[ He caught her hand tightening and would have done the same thing if she hadn't first. He didn't like talking about what she'd done to him either. For one, because it made something inside him run cold, a chill that spread outward from his heart at the fear of something like that happening again - the knowledge that his worst fear had already happened. That reaction started to flare up again as the second reason caught up to him again - that look on Naminé's face.
It'd suddenly occurred to him that, now, Sora might know things about him even he didn't know. That previously only Naminé had known and he'd tried purposefully not to make her think about. This was that gulf between them that they'd talked about once or twice before; that Arden had tried to reconcile personally. Now he considered giving voice to those thoughts - how much he cared about her sitting right alongside the constant reminders of what she was capable of doing to him again. He never considered she'd do it on purpose; she hadn't done it willingly the first time either. But she could do it. If someone threatened her life and told either of them to make a choice between her life or his memories... it would be a kind of death regardless. That was what Riku was afraid of on his behalf too.
But for the moment, he swallows and tries to focus on her fears. ]
I get it - about the smell of roses, I mean. I only know one way of dealing with that, but it may not work for you. I had to replace those memories with something fresher, so that I'd automatically think of those better memories instead.
[ Like with her, for example. ]
But that's asking someone to face their fears head-on. It won't do if you got too sick to even stay around them for very long.
[ He looks down at their clasped hands, and tries to get her to relax the hold as a means of comforting her, letting their fingers twine side by side but in a loose way. ]
Either way... it sounds like you feel bad for being afraid still. I don't think you should feel bad about that. Maybe you can start there.
I... I don't know how to do that. Make a better memory. [Without it being fake.] Or even knowing how to stop feeling bad. I'm trying to forgive myself... I really am. I just... I can't seem to let it go...
[It's at least easier for her to deal with some things now. A big part of that being able to live in this world and being able to be herself. But it's also so frustrating to be trapped feeling like this so often...
Maybe sharing her memories with Sora was a mistake. She still believes he has the right to know, but there's a lingering pain in her heart she can't shake now.
She tries to relax, but it's hard. Her gaze falls elsewhere as her thoughts buzz.]
[ He gives up what he'd been putting off, letting go of her hands to stand up and out of his seat. Then he moves around beside her, not sitting just yet. He puts his hand through her hair at the back of her head, trying to keep the touch light, and kisses her temple before sitting down next to her. It's a reassurance for her as much as it is for him, and he lets that hand fall to her shoulder.
Sitting beside her like that, his voice drops. He feels kind of helpless - wondering if this is part of how Sora feels trying to help Riku. Minnie had said that some people felt love like that, that the one you loved most could also be your best friend, and now here Arden was feeling like he couldn't do as much for Naminé as she deserved. ]
These are only ideas... but when I said make a better memory, I meant even something as simple as buying you a bouquet of roses, or just one single one. Maybe one a day. Then they'd be coming from me, not Marluxia.
Maybe try rose-scented perfume. Or rose-water flavored snacks - those exist, I wouldn't have to come up with a recipe.
But if those still sound too scary, then don't do them.
[ His hand rubs her shoulder in solidarity. He'll help her - he just doesn't want to push her. He wouldn't wish his own 'recovery' process on anyone else. He'd nearly lost friendships through it. ]
[Naminé blinks as he moves, and her cheeks flush from the kiss. It makes her heart flutter, and she listens to his suggestions. They're good ideas even if it is a little scary. She smiles softly at him as she puts her hand over his.]
If it's from you... then that's okay. I might even like that.
[Of course she likes anything he gets for her, but him trying to help her actually does make her happy. It's more so the thought the counts right? And she really likes that.]
[ It had sounded stupid in his head - something so ridiculous and trite. The kind of thing he might have had buried in a corner of his subconscious somewhere due to fake memories. Roses as a gift from a boyfriend to a girlfriend. That was a thing, one of many, that he knew about and didn't completely trust as real. Here it was for a completely different purpose, but that smile on her face makes him wonder if both reasons aren't completely valid to Naminé.
Maybe giving her a rose a day won't help over a week, or a month, but if he did it for a very long time, maybe after all of that... it took him the better part of two years after all, and he still struggles. It's worth a shot though, if she likes the idea.
Regardless, that shiver in his chest starts to fade finally. He's glad that the selfish parts of him that want to close the gulf between them are also able to help her too. ]
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It'd suddenly occurred to him that, now, Sora might know things about him even he didn't know. That previously only Naminé had known and he'd tried purposefully not to make her think about. This was that gulf between them that they'd talked about once or twice before; that Arden had tried to reconcile personally. Now he considered giving voice to those thoughts - how much he cared about her sitting right alongside the constant reminders of what she was capable of doing to him again. He never considered she'd do it on purpose; she hadn't done it willingly the first time either. But she could do it. If someone threatened her life and told either of them to make a choice between her life or his memories... it would be a kind of death regardless. That was what Riku was afraid of on his behalf too.
But for the moment, he swallows and tries to focus on her fears. ]
I get it - about the smell of roses, I mean. I only know one way of dealing with that, but it may not work for you. I had to replace those memories with something fresher, so that I'd automatically think of those better memories instead.
[ Like with her, for example. ]
But that's asking someone to face their fears head-on. It won't do if you got too sick to even stay around them for very long.
[ He looks down at their clasped hands, and tries to get her to relax the hold as a means of comforting her, letting their fingers twine side by side but in a loose way. ]
Either way... it sounds like you feel bad for being afraid still. I don't think you should feel bad about that. Maybe you can start there.
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[It's at least easier for her to deal with some things now. A big part of that being able to live in this world and being able to be herself. But it's also so frustrating to be trapped feeling like this so often...
Maybe sharing her memories with Sora was a mistake. She still believes he has the right to know, but there's a lingering pain in her heart she can't shake now.
She tries to relax, but it's hard. Her gaze falls elsewhere as her thoughts buzz.]
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Sitting beside her like that, his voice drops. He feels kind of helpless - wondering if this is part of how Sora feels trying to help Riku. Minnie had said that some people felt love like that, that the one you loved most could also be your best friend, and now here Arden was feeling like he couldn't do as much for Naminé as she deserved. ]
These are only ideas... but when I said make a better memory, I meant even something as simple as buying you a bouquet of roses, or just one single one. Maybe one a day. Then they'd be coming from me, not Marluxia.
Maybe try rose-scented perfume. Or rose-water flavored snacks - those exist, I wouldn't have to come up with a recipe.
But if those still sound too scary, then don't do them.
[ His hand rubs her shoulder in solidarity. He'll help her - he just doesn't want to push her. He wouldn't wish his own 'recovery' process on anyone else. He'd nearly lost friendships through it. ]
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If it's from you... then that's okay. I might even like that.
[Of course she likes anything he gets for her, but him trying to help her actually does make her happy. It's more so the thought the counts right? And she really likes that.]
Thank you, Arden.
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Maybe giving her a rose a day won't help over a week, or a month, but if he did it for a very long time, maybe after all of that... it took him the better part of two years after all, and he still struggles. It's worth a shot though, if she likes the idea.
Regardless, that shiver in his chest starts to fade finally. He's glad that the selfish parts of him that want to close the gulf between them are also able to help her too. ]
You're welcome, Naminé.