thememorywitch | IC Contact

[Naminé smiles at him with a nod, holding onto his hand. She follows after him and walks in step with him. It feels really nice to be out like this, and she gently swings their arms together. She wants to always be this carefree... but she can't shake the bad thoughts in the back of her mind. After sometime during the walk, the girl moves closer to him and holds his arm.]

...Did you talk to Sora recently?

[ He feels bad that she's nervous about that of all things. He did hope that either she or Sora would catch him up later, purely out of curiosity, but the whole aspect of Sora seeking his permission beforehand was still a little weird to him.

So he nods back at her, specifically looking over at her while they walk. ]

Yes. I know what he asked you to show him. I tried not to pry about it after he told me, since I figured it was between you two at that point.

[The girl nods up at him and then looks ahead. She does her best not to cling to hard.]

Yes. I wasn't really sure at first if I should, but I could at least show him and not have him remember. Sora had the right to know what happened in the castle. But ruthfully... I'm glad you didn't have to see it. It was more difficult than I thought it would be. I knew it would be sort of painful but... it was worse than I could've imagined.

[ That's... not at all what he expected. So he stops and looks down at her, hands at her shoulders. ]

Worse for you... or him? ... Or both?

[ He's trying not to pry, to not ask what exactly she showed him. Just figure out how to help her - or Sora - after reliving all of that. ]

...Me.

[Her voice is very soft as she says it. Between Larxene, the things that happened to Arden... and Marluxia... it was a lot. And some memories she didn't even intend for Sora to see slipped in. Things she'd like to forget but is not allowed to.]

I'm glad Sora can know the truth. I just... maybe I wasn't ready enough. But if I don't face it now, then when?

[ Relief isn't the right word for what he feels. He's only glad that he doesn't feel the urge to go talk to Sora right now, had it been the case that Sora had gotten more upset over what happened than Naminé had. He's also not glad that Naminé is upset, even now, but he's here and so at least...

He pulls her against his chest and holds her. There are days he's bitter and frustrated and seeing nightmares about that visage of Larxene telling him there was a whole other part of his life that had been overwritten. Then there are days like this where he almost wonders if forgetting left him better off in the end, despite his attempts to stop existing entirely. He can't know everything she went through but now it kind of feels like Sora may know more than he does. That's another bitter pill he tries to push away for now. His only consolation is knowing - now - that Sora wouldn't try to upset Naminé on purpose. ]

You've already faced way more than you should have had to, and survived it.

[ When he didn't, for one. ]

We said we were going to start fresh here, weren't we? You don't have to forget, but you don't have to remember it when you don't want to either. You could have told Sora no - I think he would have understood.

[ It's why he's not asking now, hot on the heels of things that upset her. ]

[She's sort of surprised when he stops walking but moves easily into his arms. This is a place she feels safe, and she doesn't hesitate to embrace him back.]

I know... I just...

[Naminé takes in a shaky breath, trying to fight back tears. She doesn't want to cry in front of him again. It makes him so sad. So she doesn't look up at him to be sure.]

My own memories were difficult enough. But the ones involving you... where I hurt you... I-It was so painful...

[ That gets her a tighter hug. It doesn't matter that they'd talked about it before. This is fresh again. He'd told Sora how much of a jerk he'd been, but he didn't say anything about how this might impact Naminé, because he wasn't sure what all she'd be willing to show him in the first place. He'd simply ended the conversation reassuring Sora that he couldn't give permission for something like this, that it had to be Naminé's choice, not his - even as someone in those memories, even as Naminé's boyfriend, he just couldn't.

So it doesn't matter that she had to stop him from killing Sora. She still hurt him. He knows that. He deserved it, but he still pushed her into that position. Plus the rest of the changes to his memories that she was forced to do that he didn't remember at all.

And that's why he's not sure what to do. So unsure that he leans down just enough to speak quietly near her ear. ]

And now you're remembering it all again. I was trying not to make you do that. I have to ask, Naminé... do you want to talk about it some more? Or get that food you wanted? Tell me what to do, and I'll do it. I just don't know what will make you feel better right now. I'm sorry.

[ He thinks a better boyfriend - a better boy, even, like Sora - would surely have been able to figure that out, without asking outright. ]

[Naminé tries really hard to hold it in... but she can't. Her tears spill over, and her embrace tightens around him. She doesn't want to, but it's involuntary at this point. She's been holding so much in, and she can't hold anymore. She's sorry to Arden that he has to see him like this, but at the same time, she knows he'll forgive her.

It takes her another minute to calm down enough to respond to him, pulling away slightly to take a deep breath.]

Let's talk... I-I want to talk...

[Because she might break if she holds any more in.]

[ It's true he doesn't like seeing her like this, but he also knows how much worse it can get from personal experience. They can't change what happened, he knows that, and if Sora can forgive him for what he did, and Naminé for what she did, then some small part of themselves can forgive each other too. Easier said than done, though.

So again he's "glad" - a little, in that layered emotional way that resonates a little around the both of them like a shield - that if she does have to cry, then at least he was here for it. ]

Okay.

[ He glances down the street and sees a Steambucks. His hands move back to her shoulders and he inclines his head that way. ]

Let me get you something to drink - then we can sit somewhere while we talk.

[Naminé looks up at him finally and nods at him. She takes a moment to wipe her face off too.]

Okay...

[At the very least, it doesn't seem to be busy outside the store, so she follows after him and waits at a table outside. She takes the time to calm down. Though based on the conversation they were about to have, she realistically knows it will happen again. But she'll do the best she can, taking in deep breaths and letting them out slowly. For the moment it helps a lot.]

[ Arden keeps one hand around her shoulders as they walk that way and quickly gets their drinks with as little chatter as possible. While waiting, now that Naminé's been able to order what she wants, he gestures behind them. ]

Go pick a table and I'll be right over.

[ Sure enough he'll follow in just a few minutes, presenting her drink in silence until she's the one to speak first. When she's ready. ]

[Naminé thanks him quietly, and she takes the drink from him. She takes a moment to drink it and puts it back on the table when she's satisfied. She fiddles with the straw until she takes another deep breath, and the girl looks back up at him again.]

Um... I'm sorry for earlier. Honestly I didn't intend for this when I came to see you. But... I'd be glad to explain what I can if you want. That way we're all on the same page.

[ Based on her calming down ever so slightly, plus the apology, he looks up at her with a soft smile. ]

Don't apologize for that. Can you imagine how long we'd be sitting here if we tried to tally the number of times each of us did something that we'd need to apologize for?

[ Mostly, he's thinking of the fact that Naminé wasn't around for his first year or so in Verens, and he wasn't particularly charitable then. He puts his own drink down for a moment. ]

Whatever you need to say, I'll listen to. I'm not proud of what I did in Castle Oblivion, but I've screamed and fought and hurt myself through picking up the fragments for awhile now, with Sora's help and Snow White's... Roxas and Usagi too. Finally getting to talk to... Riku again helped. What I mean is... I exploded and made everyone else deal with it. You've been...

[ His smile turns into more of a smirk. ]

More considerate. I'm not saying my way was better. I just know you should have a chance of your own to figure things out - and if your slower way doesn't hurt the people around you, I'm not about to tell you that's a bad thing, Naminé.

[Naminé's smile finally returns as she listens, and the girl reaches across the table to take his hand into hers.]

I'm glad... I'm so glad to hear that Arden. That you've been able to find some closure at the very least. It's nice we've both made such good friends, isn't it?

[The smile weakens but doesn't totally go away.]

I never really had the chance to process it all honestly. After everything in the castle, I had to start working on Sora's memory right away. And DiZ... wasn't very helpful in the healing process honestly.

[She bites inside of her cheek while she thinks about it.]

And I've been trying not to think about it here. I've been trying to move on and forgive myself... but it's just not that easy is it?

[ Arden squeezes her hand back and is following along until she gets to that name. Perhaps out of respect for his situation, he really hasn't been told much of what happened after his death aside from the nature of Roxas' connection to Sora, how Ven fits into that picture, and how Riku ended up looking like Ansem for awhile but that he got out of it. Riku 1.0 might have mentioned DiZ in passing, but not in a way that Arden attached to significance. ]

... Uhm, no, it's not that easy, but I should probably mention that I don't know who DiZ is. Sounds like a jerk if he was around but not helpful.

[ He was involved somehow with Sora's memories being restored? He's just trying to give her an opening, but he decides to add: ]

You don't have to tell me more about him if he's part of what's been eating at you, unless you want me to know who he is so I can keep an eye out for him like Vanitas.

Ah. Th-that's okay. [She bites the inside of her cheek as she thinks of how to describe him.] DiZ was the man who helped me restore Sora's memory. He was very helpful but... well he hates Heartless and Nobodies a lot. And he liked to remind me of that...

[She sighs, resting against her hand. Honestly, it wasn't nice, and it definitely did not help with her self confidence. But at the same time... she did manage to hold her own in the end. Naminé even stood up to him.]

I can handle DiZ. If anything I think Roxas would probably get to him before the rest of us.

[The girl knows of Roxas's distaste for the man, and quite frankly, she doesn't blame him at all.]

[ He looks confused but concedes that the guy not being in Verens means that right now he doesn't much matter. He liked Sora enough to work on restoring his memory, but hated Nobodies, so he was still a jerk in some capacity. Arden wasn't much better, he knew that, but he also didn't hate broad groups of people based on things they couldn't change; he hated them based on their actions, or in the case of Sora, what he'd THOUGHT their actions had been at the time.

Arden gently pushes back against her hand in his, just to get her attention a little. ]

So if you're not worried about this guy DiZ... then what happened with Sora's memories that shook you up?

[ He's just trying to help her focus. ]

[Naminé does glance back up at him again as he does this and squeezes his hand a little. She sighs thinking about it again.]

For one thing, everything that happened to you. I-I was a part of it even if I didn't want to be. It was hurtful to have to go through it again... and...

[Her grip on his hand tightens.]

Larxene... and more so Marluxia... even if they're gone, I'm still scared of them. I've tried to let them go but it's so hard. Every time I smell roses...I feel sick...

[ He caught her hand tightening and would have done the same thing if she hadn't first. He didn't like talking about what she'd done to him either. For one, because it made something inside him run cold, a chill that spread outward from his heart at the fear of something like that happening again - the knowledge that his worst fear had already happened. That reaction started to flare up again as the second reason caught up to him again - that look on Naminé's face.

It'd suddenly occurred to him that, now, Sora might know things about him even he didn't know. That previously only Naminé had known and he'd tried purposefully not to make her think about. This was that gulf between them that they'd talked about once or twice before; that Arden had tried to reconcile personally. Now he considered giving voice to those thoughts - how much he cared about her sitting right alongside the constant reminders of what she was capable of doing to him again. He never considered she'd do it on purpose; she hadn't done it willingly the first time either. But she could do it. If someone threatened her life and told either of them to make a choice between her life or his memories... it would be a kind of death regardless. That was what Riku was afraid of on his behalf too.

But for the moment, he swallows and tries to focus on her fears. ]

I get it - about the smell of roses, I mean. I only know one way of dealing with that, but it may not work for you. I had to replace those memories with something fresher, so that I'd automatically think of those better memories instead.

[ Like with her, for example. ]

But that's asking someone to face their fears head-on. It won't do if you got too sick to even stay around them for very long.

[ He looks down at their clasped hands, and tries to get her to relax the hold as a means of comforting her, letting their fingers twine side by side but in a loose way. ]

Either way... it sounds like you feel bad for being afraid still. I don't think you should feel bad about that. Maybe you can start there.

I... I don't know how to do that. Make a better memory. [Without it being fake.] Or even knowing how to stop feeling bad. I'm trying to forgive myself... I really am. I just... I can't seem to let it go...

[It's at least easier for her to deal with some things now. A big part of that being able to live in this world and being able to be herself. But it's also so frustrating to be trapped feeling like this so often...

Maybe sharing her memories with Sora was a mistake. She still believes he has the right to know, but there's a lingering pain in her heart she can't shake now.

She tries to relax, but it's hard. Her gaze falls elsewhere as her thoughts buzz.]

[ He gives up what he'd been putting off, letting go of her hands to stand up and out of his seat. Then he moves around beside her, not sitting just yet. He puts his hand through her hair at the back of her head, trying to keep the touch light, and kisses her temple before sitting down next to her. It's a reassurance for her as much as it is for him, and he lets that hand fall to her shoulder.

Sitting beside her like that, his voice drops. He feels kind of helpless - wondering if this is part of how Sora feels trying to help Riku. Minnie had said that some people felt love like that, that the one you loved most could also be your best friend, and now here Arden was feeling like he couldn't do as much for Naminé as she deserved. ]

These are only ideas... but when I said make a better memory, I meant even something as simple as buying you a bouquet of roses, or just one single one. Maybe one a day. Then they'd be coming from me, not Marluxia.

Maybe try rose-scented perfume. Or rose-water flavored snacks - those exist, I wouldn't have to come up with a recipe.

But if those still sound too scary, then don't do them.

[ His hand rubs her shoulder in solidarity. He'll help her - he just doesn't want to push her. He wouldn't wish his own 'recovery' process on anyone else. He'd nearly lost friendships through it. ]

[Naminé blinks as he moves, and her cheeks flush from the kiss. It makes her heart flutter, and she listens to his suggestions. They're good ideas even if it is a little scary. She smiles softly at him as she puts her hand over his.]

If it's from you... then that's okay. I might even like that.

[Of course she likes anything he gets for her, but him trying to help her actually does make her happy. It's more so the thought the counts right? And she really likes that.]

Thank you, Arden.

[ It had sounded stupid in his head - something so ridiculous and trite. The kind of thing he might have had buried in a corner of his subconscious somewhere due to fake memories. Roses as a gift from a boyfriend to a girlfriend. That was a thing, one of many, that he knew about and didn't completely trust as real. Here it was for a completely different purpose, but that smile on her face makes him wonder if both reasons aren't completely valid to Naminé.

Maybe giving her a rose a day won't help over a week, or a month, but if he did it for a very long time, maybe after all of that... it took him the better part of two years after all, and he still struggles. It's worth a shot though, if she likes the idea.

Regardless, that shiver in his chest starts to fade finally. He's glad that the selfish parts of him that want to close the gulf between them are also able to help her too. ]

You're welcome, Naminé.

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